moving on

It has been years already when I last entered into a relationship. My life was colourful that time. I can still remember the happy moments with him. Till things turned into nothing. I was broke. I was broke into tiny pieces that nobody could pick me up. Nobody could fix me. I lived my whole life in pretensions, a life that I never dream to have, a life that I almost collected the entire mask in this world. And all these things happened because of him. I ruined my life and the entire of me.

I always think that world has been cruel to me. Do I deserve this? Why can’t I be happy like them? Why can’t I live a normal life, a life that I always dream to have? Why can’t things go smooth? Why him?

These are the questions that I have in my mind now, Questions that are challenging me a lot to be a better me. I always think that time will answer my questions. Time heals all wounds. But I waited for so long already. And nothing happened to me. I’m still stuck in these questions.

I know it’s not easy to take off all the mask that I’m wearing. It’s hard to show up the real me. It’s hard to make decisions because I’m afraid that I might be wrong again. I don’t want commitments because I’m scared of disappointments. But I have to open my door. I have to be strong. I have to live. I have to this not because I want to but because I have to. Because nobody could fix me, nobody except me.

090308