Dear CMC,
Things are really complicated between us. Again, I am left with no choice. I have to stay away from you. It really hurts when I think about our situation. I can't stay with you like this. I know, this is not that easy but I can bear all the pain. Not too long and I'll be over you... Just take care and be happy with her.
Always,
Karla...
Dear CMC,
Hello! How's life been treating you these days. I hope everything is good.
Well this morning, I felt very happy when I recieve a message from you. You complete my day again. Regarding last night's messages from me, It's all true. I really don't have the courage to say everything in front of you. You asked me last time about it, but i can't answer you. Just read this...
Well I really don't have the intention to feel this way. I thought it will be all for fun. But as days goes by, i can't help myself thinking about you. Everytime you visit me, I'm very happy. And the last time I felt this feeling was years ago. I know this isn't proper. I shoudn't feel like this. But i can't help this. I can't lie to myself. I can't deny the fact that I'm falling in love with you...But I can still manage my feeling. Worry not about me, I can still live without you. Ifyou love her, then be faithful to her. I'm letting you go...I will miss you..
Love,
Karla
I told him last night almost everything I feel towards him. But Ouch! it really hurts. I really don't know what to do. I'm going crazy...Well atleast thank you for an honest answer...I'm free and half-free now. hahaha looks stupid but I'll try this new challenge. I'm really being challenged now a days. Aja! Aja Fighting...
Friday is the most awaiting day of everybody. It's the last day of work in a week. But I never felt that way now. I feel blue because nobody is with me. I'm alone in my dark room. Thinking what to do for the next 48-hours. Thinking who will be with me...Just like what I said in the title of my blog, I'm still alone. Please come now and make me happy....
It has been years already when I last entered into a relationship. My life was colourful that time. I can still remember the happy moments with him. Till things turned into nothing. I was broke. I was broke into tiny pieces that nobody could pick me up. Nobody could fix me. I lived my whole life in pretensions, a life that I never dream to have, a life that I almost collected the entire mask in this world. And all these things happened because of him. I ruined my life and the entire of me.
I always think that world has been cruel to me. Do I deserve this? Why can’t I be happy like them? Why can’t I live a normal life, a life that I always dream to have? Why can’t things go smooth? Why him?
These are the questions that I have in my mind now, Questions that are challenging me a lot to be a better me. I always think that time will answer my questions. Time heals all wounds. But I waited for so long already. And nothing happened to me. I’m still stuck in these questions.
I know it’s not easy to take off all the mask that I’m wearing. It’s hard to show up the real me. It’s hard to make decisions because I’m afraid that I might be wrong again. I don’t want commitments because I’m scared of disappointments. But I have to open my door. I have to be strong. I have to live. I have to this not because I want to but because I have to. Because nobody could fix me, nobody except me.
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